Objective Thinker

By everyone understanding the quadrants of DiSC, communication is guaranteed to be more effective.

Puzzle Quadrants

Have you ever said, or thought, “Why can’t the rest of the people in the world be just like me?!”

And, then paused to consider, “Good thing they’re not!”

Typically, when these thoughts occur, we are experiencing a challenge in communicating with another person. We, all, want to be heard and understood. When that is not happening, we wonder, “Why?”

Maybe, we even re-think the idea and present it again to that other person. They still don’t get it. Then we remember: Communication is what the listener does. So, we choose different words to share the logic of our grand, new, premise for consideration. A positive response still eludes us.

As a ranch kid, growing things was a way of life. In fact, the Farmer Philosophy is inherent in all that we think, and do. For seeds to sprout and develop, they need a properly prepared bed. A bed of soil that has been tilled, leveled, firmed, and made ready to receive a seed for germination is absolutely necessary for abundant harvests.

Farmers use discs to slice and dice the soil. We will use DiSC to do the same in the garden of human relations.

The concept of DiSC is a powerful tool to enhance our relationship with the neighbors.

To understand the foundational premise, picture a map of the United States. Then, divide it into quadrants by drawing a horizontal line and a vertical line, which intersect in the center of the map. Now, look at the location of your home. It is in one of those quadrants. Where are the homes of your friends? Odds are good that one, or more, is in a quadrant other than yours.

Do you expect your friends to always come to you? Or, do you ever visit them? Since the questions are rhetorical, I know the answer — We travel to visit our friends. We expend purposeful physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual effort to get to where they are. Same thing holds true for relationships. At times, we need to get US to where THEY are.

Thus, the magic of DiSC.

D          (Dominance)

I           (Influence)

S          (Steadiness)

C          (Conscientiousness)

By taking the DiSC Behavioral Profile test on April 13, 2008, my results are available for us — with which, to have great sport.

Classical Pattern: Objective Thinker

Conscientiousness (C)

Kim, you are high in the Conscientiousness dimension. As a result, you most likely work steadily within the existing circumstances to ensure quality and accuracy.

Those who are strong in Conscientiousness (“high C’s”) like to be precise and keep their focus on key details, while working in an environment that values quality and accuracy. High C’s like to be accurate and orderly, and they make decisions in an analytical way. They prefer to control factors that affect their performance and seek opportunities to demonstrate their expertise. They also like to be recognized for their skills and accomplishments.

High C’s tend to be analytical thinkers who relish asking, “Why?” It’s probably important for them to understand the parameters of a problem before they tackle it. Once the task is clear, people who are high in Conscientiousness tend to use a systematic approach to solve the problem. In all likelihood, their goal is to achieve superior results.

Clearly defined performance expectations are critical for high C’s, so they may try to avoid surprises and request specific feedback on how they are doing. They may also crave a work atmosphere that is reserved and businesslike, and that gives them the time to do the careful planning that they prefer.

When working with others, those high in Conscientiousness tend to be diplomatic and use an indirect approach to avoid conflict. Developing a higher tolerance for dissension could make them more effective. They may also find it helpful to have colleagues who are able to initiate and facilitate discussions, and to state controversial opinions.

High C’s often want to assure the accuracy of their work. In a fast-paced environment, however, their focus on maintaining such high standards can backfire. In this case, they may need colleagues who can provide quick decisions.

Because those high in Conscientiousness tend to adhere strictly to rules, they may be hampered when compromises become important to a successful outcome. They may benefit from working with those who view policies and procedures as guidelines rather than edicts.

High C’s tend to put a premium on accuracy, so they may often become overly critical when assessing co-workers. They may also be hesitant to delegate important tasks. It may help them to learn to respect others’ personal worth as much as their accomplishments, thereby encouraging an atmosphere of teamwork.

In the introduction, I generously used the pronoun “we” (think me, with a frog in my pocket) and purposely set the stage with Logic. For the high C’s and D’s of the world, that might work. For the high I’s and S’s to hear and understand, they want to feel the Emotion. To reach and touch them, I must get to where they are.

So, let’s take a peek at the emotional aspect of DiSC by using the analogy of target practice with a rifle, the performance of which is best achieved by — Ready, Aim, Fire.

The high C’s (remember, that’s your favorite SageTalk author) will do this — Ready, Aim, Aim, Aim, Aim, Aim (while considering distance to target, weight of bullet, grain of powder, composition of target, wind velocity, barometric pressure, etc). Somewhere in this sequence, probably after the third Aim, your head is about to explode! Our bad. We — me, a high C — need data, lots of data. Because, we intend to be precise in the result — when we eventually commit to squeezing the trigger.

I have many high D friends. Their approach to our target practice is — Fire! ~ Ready, Aim. In fact, they’re probably using their semi-automatic to blast away. “No worries, mate! Knock ’em all down. We’ll sort out the pieces, later!” Their motto is, “Just get it done and get it done, now!”

Oh, look. Here comes an I, a “High I” at that. Dressed to the nines in his sporting jacket, and puffy pants, fancy cap, and high-top boots, he has a designer shootin’ iron, draped under his elbow and over his forearm. He’s ready for the party, drinks and conversation, after we punch a few holes.

And, yes, that’s a high S standing off to the side making sure all the spent cartridges are gathered and wondering if we, really, need to make this much noise.

Bill Engvall has the right idea for the galactically stupid people of the world — and, expresses it in his comedic routine — Here’s Your Sign. Yet, by considering the insight, above, the question becomes, “Are they (actually) stupid?” Or, are they just doing the best they can, with what they know, and the resources available to them? And, is it possible that their DiSC sign is different from ours and they’re thinking that we’re the “stupid” ones?!

While impossible to buy LOVE, the DiSC results are yours for the asking. Guaranteed, it will be the best investment you can ever make in Building Dynamic Relationships.

www.kimfoard.com

Heard and Understood

We learn to see our partners for themselves, with their own ideas and dreams. Our approach becomes, “I want to know how you think.”

Communication is what the listener does.

Upon calling for support and receiving an instruction of, “Press 1 for English, 2 for @#$%^&*”, we select the language of greatest comprehension. We want to hear and understand the solution to our situation.

Do we offer the same in our interpersonal communications? Or, do we launch off into a discourse that is foreign to the ears of our partner? When they seem puzzled, do we simply ‘turn up the volume’ and give them another dose of @#$%^&*?

When discovering the concept of Imago Relationships, my first thought was “I’m-A-Go” — that’s cute. It reminds me of a Space Shuttle lift-off. Many of our relationships are desirous of going go to a higher level.

These quotes from the article are a few of my favorites:

Partners cross a bridge into each other’s worlds, motivated not only by the Receiver’s desire to ‘hear and understand’ but also to meet the Sender’s need to be ‘heard and understood’ — with a commitment to slow down our lives and devote specific uninterrupted time to our relationships. Ultimately saying to the other, “I respect your otherness — I want to learn from it. And I want to share mine with you.”

Discovering two distinct worlds — whenever two people are involved, there are always two realities. These realities will always be different in small and large ways, no matter what. And, the reality of the other person can be understood, accepted, valued, and even loved — but, not made to be identical to our own.

Your conflict can be the very fuel for the fulfillment you seek.

Being aware of ourselves is the key — it changes everything.

What we need to understand and accept is that conflict is supposed to happen. This is as nature intended it. Everything in nature is in conflict. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met, and become whole. It’s only without this knowledge that conflict is destructive.

Regardless of what we may believe, relationships are not born of love — but of need. Real love is born in relationships, as a result of understanding what they are about — and doing what is necessary to have them.

A ‘conscious’ Relationship itself is the practice you need to restore your sense of aliveness.

Clear communication is a window into the world of your partner — truly being heard and understood is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Without change, there is no growth — we are confined to the fate of remaining stuck in our unhappiness.

Change is the catalyst for healing.

I call the process by which we alter our entrenched behaviors to give our partners what they need: ‘stretching’ — for it requires that we conquer our fears and do what comes unnaturally.

Finally, we learn to see our partners for themselves, with their own private world of personal meaning, their own ideas and dreams, and not merely as extensions of ourselves — or, as we wish they were. Our approach becomes, “I want to know how you think.”

A conscious relationship is a spiritual path which leads us home again — to joy and aliveness, to the feeling of oneness we started out with. We learn to express love as a behavior daily — in large and small ways. In other words, in stretching to give our partner what they need, we learn to love. The transformation of our relationships may not be accomplished easily or quickly — we are setting off on a lifelong journey.

In the game of Football, team members ‘huddle up’ to have the opportunity to ‘hear and understand’ the next play. If it’s a passing play, it is only successful if the receiver catches the ball.

Next time we have the opportunity to quarterback a conversation, let’s call plays in a language our receiver understands. Then, as they run the route, let’s give them the opportunity to catch what is thrown.

After all, the only goal that, really, matters — to be Heard and Understood.

www.kimfoard.com