Rich Conversation

By calmly announcing, “I’m-A-Go”, we’re ready to lift-off into the uncharted territory of People exploration made possible by the catalyst of “Rich Conversation”!

Imago ShuttleThe world is our stage and we travel across it on the two legs of Family and Work. When each leg is strong and healthy, we stride. When one is weak, we gimp. And — when, both are weak, we crawl.

The secret to healthy and strong legs of Family and Work — Relationships. The magic elixir for dynamic and vibrant relationships — Rich Conversation.

All we do begins with a thought.

Many think a conversation is defined as, “I’ll talk — you listen.” A few know that conversation is an art form of creative reciprocity.

Narcissists in the first group are infatuated with themselves and their Role Power. Expressionists in the second group are focused on service to others, through the synergy of Relationship Power.

Those caught up in the stratosphere of their Role Power operate from the premise that they have all the answers. As a result, they feel quite justified in doing things to others. Their approach is the ‘easy’ one of Process — since they do what they want, when they want and how they want. It is measurable, quantifiable, and miserable.

The purveyors of Relationship Power practice in the realm of intangibles. Because they believe People are more important than Process, each day is a new adventure of doing for others. Their journey is the ‘hard’ one of accepting the reality that the only constant in life is change. People change. What they want changes. How they want it changes. And, “Why?” is an oft asked question.

Are we courageous enough to say “Yes!” — to the discovery of another person? Do we have the strength to leave our comfort zone — of the well-worn rut and well-known routine — to accept the uncertainty of a new adventure? Can we imagine ourselves strapped into the Captain’s chair of a space shuttle with our hand on the throttle calmly announcing, “I’m-A-Go.”

Imago Relationships

Partners cross a bridge into each other’s worlds, motivated not only by the Receiver’s desire to ‘hear and understand’ but also to meet the Sender’s need to be ‘heard and understood’ — with a commitment to slow down our lives and devote specific uninterrupted time to our relationships. Ultimately saying to the other, “I respect your otherness. I want to learn from it. And — I want to share mine with you.”

Discovering two distinct worlds — Whenever two people are involved, there are always two realities. These realities will always be different in small and large ways, no matter what. And — the reality of the other person can be understood, accepted, valued, and even loved. Yet, it cannot be made identical to our own.

Clear communication is a window into the world of your partner. Truly being heard is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Without change, there is no growth. We are confined to the fate of remaining stuck in our unhappiness.

Change is the catalyst for healing.

Finally, we learn to see our partners for themselves — with their own private world of personal meaning, their own ideas and dreams — and, not merely as extensions of ourselves, or as we wish they were. Our approach becomes, “I want to know how you think.”

A conscious relationship is a spiritual path which leads us home again — to joy and aliveness, to the feeling of oneness we started out with. We learn to express love as a behavior daily, in large and small ways. In other words — in stretching to give our partner what they need, we learn to love. The transformation of our relationships may not be accomplished easily or quickly. We are setting off on a lifelong journey.

As we pack our mental suitcase, let’s celebrate in leaving the limitations of ‘process’ behind. Let’s lift our eyes to an unlimited future of ‘people’ exploration — with it’s priceless treasures just waiting to be discovered — in a shuttle christened “Rich Conversation“.

www.kimfoard.com

Of, By, For the People

Government must never be allowed to reign supreme above the People. I’m reminded of Pogo’s observation, “We have met the enemy and he is us!”

Abraham LincolnThe Saga Continues

This is Part II of what, currently is a three act play. Part I was a request for relief from hardship on behalf of a Montana business woman.

It seems that there is widespread confusion as to what Government is. I’m reminded of Pogo’s observation, “We have met the enemy and he is us!”

The basic purpose of government is to accomplish, for the greater good, those things requiring a united body of effort. It is not an entity separate and apart from the people; the individuals who provide the resources.

Most importantly, our Country was founded on the belief that Government must never be allowed to reign supreme above the people.

~

Dear Commissioner:

Thank you for your letter dated June 21, 2010, which clearly communicates the position of the Montana Department of Labor and Industry (DLI), in regards to Independent Contractor status. Since your letter, also, graciously provides the opportunity for suggestions to improve Department procedure, I have one which I believe can achieve the mutual goals of Montana Employers and DLI.

Over the span of thirty years as a Certified Public Accountant, discovery has been made that: “Communication is what the listener does.” We can hear; yet, not understand. We can see; yet, not comprehend. Your letter emphasizes the efforts of Transmission by DLI; an important first step. Steps two and three are Reception and Feedback. Montana Employers and Hiring Agents have not fully understood and comprehended the seriousness of the issue.

As professionals, you and I work very hard to communicate clearly. For instance, the purpose of the “Mr.” in the signature block of my email to you dated June 13, 2010, is to remove any confusion about my gender; yet, your letter to me is addressed as, “Dear Ms. Foard”. One of your Field Representatives copied me on a letter dated February 11, 2010, using “Ford” as my last name, when it is actually “Foard”.

My point is this: We learn by doing. As professionals, we want the opportunity to correct our mistakes. Montana Employers, simply, want the opportunity to learn from theirs, too.

Montana Employers work very hard to start businesses, stay in business, provide value to the marketplace, support their communities and offer employment to others. Granted, we are a nation and society founded on the Rule of Law. Furthermore, there is the premise so eloquently articulated in the Gettysburg Address:

… that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and, that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

This is my recommended solution to equitably resolve the audit issue of Independent Contractor vs. Employee:

  • If the Employer has never before been audited in regards to this issue, then, they need the opportunity to establish a more formal relationship with their non-registered Independent Contractors.
  • For those individuals who have received payment during the period of audit and are able to demonstrate their independence, by successfully registering under the Point System and Signed Affidavit referenced in your letter, the Hiring Agent is acknowledged by DLI to be in compliance with those individuals, retroactively and for the next two years.

The benefit for the State of Montana is that these newly registered Independent Contractors are affirming that they have paid all taxes in the past, and will continue to do so into the future. If not, then, they can accept full responsibility and be held accountable by our Government.

By using this approach, Montana Employers have the opportunity to actively learn by practicing the compliance efforts to hire only Employees and Registered Independent Contractors. The Employers, in turn, teach others about the importance of this Montana law. Additionally, a sense of parity, and fairness, is achieved when considering those activities currently exempted from the harshness of this strict standard, as referenced in my earlier correspondence: Payments to the Directors of Bank Boards.

I, respectfully, ask that the consideration above be offered to Montana Employers; so that we have the freedom as good citizens to participate in a Government which fully understands the source of its strength and resource:

… of the people, by the people, and for the people.

If I can be of value in further explaining the merit of this approach, please advise.

Sincerely,

Kim

~

www.kimfoard.com

Heard and Understood

We learn to see our partners for themselves, with their own ideas and dreams. Our approach becomes, “I want to know how you think.”

Communication is what the listener does.

Upon calling for support and receiving an instruction of, “Press 1 for English, 2 for @#$%^&*”, we select the language of greatest comprehension. We want to hear and understand the solution to our situation.

Do we offer the same in our interpersonal communications? Or, do we launch off into a discourse that is foreign to the ears of our partner? When they seem puzzled, do we simply ‘turn up the volume’ and give them another dose of @#$%^&*?

When discovering the concept of Imago Relationships, my first thought was “I’m-A-Go” — that’s cute. It reminds me of a Space Shuttle lift-off. Many of our relationships are desirous of going go to a higher level.

These quotes from the article are a few of my favorites:

Partners cross a bridge into each other’s worlds, motivated not only by the Receiver’s desire to ‘hear and understand’ but also to meet the Sender’s need to be ‘heard and understood’ — with a commitment to slow down our lives and devote specific uninterrupted time to our relationships. Ultimately saying to the other, “I respect your otherness — I want to learn from it. And I want to share mine with you.”

Discovering two distinct worlds — whenever two people are involved, there are always two realities. These realities will always be different in small and large ways, no matter what. And, the reality of the other person can be understood, accepted, valued, and even loved — but, not made to be identical to our own.

Your conflict can be the very fuel for the fulfillment you seek.

Being aware of ourselves is the key — it changes everything.

What we need to understand and accept is that conflict is supposed to happen. This is as nature intended it. Everything in nature is in conflict. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met, and become whole. It’s only without this knowledge that conflict is destructive.

Regardless of what we may believe, relationships are not born of love — but of need. Real love is born in relationships, as a result of understanding what they are about — and doing what is necessary to have them.

A ‘conscious’ Relationship itself is the practice you need to restore your sense of aliveness.

Clear communication is a window into the world of your partner — truly being heard and understood is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Without change, there is no growth — we are confined to the fate of remaining stuck in our unhappiness.

Change is the catalyst for healing.

I call the process by which we alter our entrenched behaviors to give our partners what they need: ‘stretching’ — for it requires that we conquer our fears and do what comes unnaturally.

Finally, we learn to see our partners for themselves, with their own private world of personal meaning, their own ideas and dreams, and not merely as extensions of ourselves — or, as we wish they were. Our approach becomes, “I want to know how you think.”

A conscious relationship is a spiritual path which leads us home again — to joy and aliveness, to the feeling of oneness we started out with. We learn to express love as a behavior daily — in large and small ways. In other words, in stretching to give our partner what they need, we learn to love. The transformation of our relationships may not be accomplished easily or quickly — we are setting off on a lifelong journey.

In the game of Football, team members ‘huddle up’ to have the opportunity to ‘hear and understand’ the next play. If it’s a passing play, it is only successful if the receiver catches the ball.

Next time we have the opportunity to quarterback a conversation, let’s call plays in a language our receiver understands. Then, as they run the route, let’s give them the opportunity to catch what is thrown.

After all, the only goal that, really, matters — to be Heard and Understood.

www.kimfoard.com